New York Minute

I’m sitting here listening to all my music, shuffled, and Don Henley’s “New York Minute” comes up.

Everything can change, in a New York minute…

This is how I feel about my attitudes and opinions about things these days.  One day I could be an advocate of something, and the next day I will be removing it from my life, spouting how bad it is, and maybe soon after I’ll be back to it, saying it’s not so bad.

I don’t know why.  I’m very much in a chaotic state of mind about things, I suppose.  There is a constant war taking place in my mind; one side, the activist, the person that wants the best out of everything, the advocate of Free software and human rights and freedom, the person that wants to use things that actually work well, against the side of me that tries to be conciliatory and agreeable, to use things that are generally used and in some way useful.  These two sides of me are always at odds, and it manifests itself as a constant war against myself, and to any observer of my behavior, bizarre, erratic, and someone that cannot make up his own mind, and can, indeed, change in a New York minute.

It’s a fair assessment, really, because most level-headed people stick to one side or the other, and aren’t so indecisive and unpredictable that they change back and forth between positions constantly.  But my mind is constantly caught between that idealism and pragmatism, and am trying to find some middle ground.  It may be frustrating to people who try to understand what I am about, but it’s something I can’t really help, and it’s frustrating to me, as well.

In a moment of frustration, I removed all of the posts on this blog because many of the positions I was advocating were, in fact, in flux or not valid any more.  And even the ones I still felt strongly about I wanted to just remove out of principle, and start anew with some sort of blog about me, personally, not just GNU (Linux) and technology.

And as my playlist that is now playing an Eagles tune says, I Can’t Tell You Why.